I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
