What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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