I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
