He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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