The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
