i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
