what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
