Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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