I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
