what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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