Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
