You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
