He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
