i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
