Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
