Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
