Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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