Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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