If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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