mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
