I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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