U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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