Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
