U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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