I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
