I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
