my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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