Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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