i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
