Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
