so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
