They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize