We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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