Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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