those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I cut my penus on the lid.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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