yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
