I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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