u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Shame is for Republicans.
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