A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
