I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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