Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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