guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
