you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
