Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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