Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
