you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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