I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
