had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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