Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
