They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
