i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
