when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
