her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
