I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
