Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
