I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
