mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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