i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
