the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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