I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
