Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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