i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
