I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want to fling myself into the sun
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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