If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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