Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
