I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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