dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I am morally bankrupt
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
