I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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