Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize