hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
