Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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