Ambien. No doubt about it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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