There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
