I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Terrible idea I love it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
