Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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