So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
