there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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