I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
