She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
