garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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