You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we're making bets on your personal life
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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