You're so nebulous sometimes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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