i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
