It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
