This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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