If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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