Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize