What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I understand Curling. That high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You made out with two different species that night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
