Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
