Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
