i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
