If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
