you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
