Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
