So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
