This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize