Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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