yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
